Checks in the Express Lane?!?

Is it just me, or do you go into the Express Lane check out because you are in a hurry? You quick went to the store and picked out only a smidgen of what is on your monstrous list at home, but this is what you truly NEED to get dinner on the table this evening. And, you still have a million things to do before you can get dinner started, and that list is also growing exponentially. Any way...

So, you take your 3 items into the line very clearly marked 7 items or less and you wait. Wait. What is taking so long? You browse the person in front of you who is monopolizing the clerk. You can quickly count well over 15 items. No mistake. This was not an accident! Oooh, she knew she had way more than the allotted 7 items when she stepped into the fast lane.

Hmm, maybe she can't read. Cut her some slack you tell yourself. There are many illiterates (and most definitely loads of them inhabiting your fairly mid-to-upper class neighborhood), and soccer moms could fit into this category...(at this point my mind begins to mentally doodle the woman in front of me struggling to read a See Dick & Jane Run book). Poor illiterate...WHAT!?! Are you kidding me???

Suddenly, poor illiterate soccer mom who has more than her allotment pulls out a check book and proceeds to write an actual check for the cashier! Oh, she is writing. Very nice penmanship, btw - I digress...Illiterate, non-counting; my rather frazzled, in a hurry - ass!

The clerk looks at me and rolls her eyes with this, "I am so sorry" face. Sweetie - you are about 18, right? Wouldn't it be more fun at this point to at least provide me with some entertainment (i.e. soccer mom writhing in humiliation)? See that microphone you have there by your register? How 'bout you hop on it and tell everyone in the store that Chelsea Check-writer has now gone over her grocery limit AND is writing a check. WRITING A CHECK!!!

I might as well have grocery shopped my entire list by the time I leave the store. I rush back home to relieve my husband of child-care duties to hear, "What took so long? I thought you only had to pick up a couple of things..."

If I Were Crowned Empress of the D.O.T. and All Other Things I Deem Worthy

There are so many things in this lifetime that I would change...the fact that you need to license your dog, apply for a fishing license and show the proper identification and certifications to rent a car; yet you need nothing to have children. Why does this strike me as bizarre? I'll tell you!

Because people don't care about their children enough. For the love of God (or whomever you hold dearly) pay attention to them. Read them a book. Take them for a walk and teach them to smell the proverbial flowers. Don't let them run amok and do as they please and then go on Nanny 911 begging for her to help you gain the control back. You are the parent - the only reason you don't have control any longer is because you willingly gave it up.

While I am flattered that folks will comment on how wonderfully behaved and polite my children are - what is that saying about the masses? My children are not well behaved and polite. They are small human beings being taught that everyone should be treated with respect. Use please and thank you. Civil niceties that have been forgotten in this day and age.

Ehh! With how I see some parents interact with their children, it is a wonder that the child made it past their "terrible twos". Give them a hug, tell them they did just fine. If I don't see that in public, I might just have to spank your @ss too!