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Thursday, December 13, 2012

At Least I...Oh, Wait, I Didn't

After coming off a most hellacious week on-call, where my average nightly sleep for the week totaled three hours, it was bound to happen...For those that know me, and my insomnia, you know how hard it is for me to get four straight hours of sleep, let alone eight...and while my husband was traveling.

I woke up to the soothing sounds of the forest on my alarm clock.  [stretching]  I wonder if I can hit snooze. WAIT!  That cannot be right!  It cannot.  I bolt straight out of bed and rush to my iPhone charging.  OMG, OMG, OMG!  I overslept.  I.  Overslept.  ME!  I don't even sleep, so how can I oversleep?

Not only did I oversleep, I slept through my alarm clock going off for two hours straight.  TWO STRAIGHT HOURS (yes, I know most of your alarm clocks will turn off after one, but hey, this is tranquil nature.  It is meant to be enjoyed!)  It was 6:30, and I was supposed to be working 30 minutes ago!  I grab my tooth brush, and rampantly squeeze the paste.  I brush while putting on my pants.  Spit, rinse...Is that toothpaste all over the vanity?  No time, NO TIME!

I run downstairs and attempt to put on my socks while hopping on one foot around a corner.  My daughter should have been woken up five minutes ago.  JESUS!  How did I sleep through the alarm for TWO WHOLE HOURS?!?!  I round the corner again to find my son, fully dressed sitting on the couch in the dark:

"SURPRISE MOMMY"  Good God, kid...I think his rustling must have been what woke me up.

I boot up my laptop, I dial in.  I attempt 10 minutes of work before our Nanny arrives.  The look on her face says "Whoa!"  I know at this point that I must look like my husband after riding Space Mountain.  I must have coffee!  BREW, for the love of all that is holy, BREW!!!  Coffee in hand, purse, keys I head for the door.

SHIT!  My laptop.  I power it down and pack it up.  The ride to work was frantic.  Did you all know that minivans have a warp speed?  I do now.  I made the 18 mile, traffic congested trek in 15 minutes flat.  Not too shabby.  [This is a voyage that typically takes 20 minutes on a good day when there is no traffic.]

Pretty proud of myself, I roll upstairs to my desk.  I plug in and get ready to attempt to save my morning. I take off my coat.  I fling my hat down.  I look into the mirror.  NICE!  I don't even remember putting my hair up.  Bonus points to me.

Uh, wait.  My fuzzy brain thinks for the first time all morning...I don't put my hair in 1/2 pony tails for work with a pony tail holder.  I reserve those for bed time...  I stop and double over in laughter.  I didn't even comb my hair!  Well, at least I brushed my teeth, or at least I attempted to.  If the copious amounts of toothpaste I left on the counter are any indication...there may not have been any on my toothbrush...