What It's All For

Over the last three weeks, I've been asked a total of 1M times, "Why did you leave your job?"  Answers are rarely simple, but I wanted to put it to rest and say my piece.

Ultimately, the catalyst for me to leave my job was a battle over a day off.  Today, in fact.  I needed to care for my children.  The final nail in the coffin of that decision was when I was told to "try one more time to find alternative care for your children."  No.  Not happening.  I'm their mother, I AM their alternative care!

And every day of this first week back at resuming the role of CEO at FH Inc., the decision to walk away from what I was doing to be home has been solidified.  Solidified by the following:

• Witnessing that last moment of warm peace as I wake my younger children up to get ready
• That last kiss from my son as he gets on the bus, and the subsequent sadness that I just know they're going to end soon
• Fixing my daughter's glasses every morning as they sit crooked on her little face
• Verbally running them through their days to ensure they're as prepared and confident as they can be
• Watching them play tag as they wait for their bus (and seeing my child include and invite the children on the bus whom haven't been kind to him)
• Standing in the morning chill and listening to their shrieks of delight as they steal that final moment of play as the bus rounds the corner
• Those five extra hugs I've missed out on since I've left before them
• The weird and captivating glimpse into my brilliant daughter's mind as she tells me about her thoughts over breakfast 
• Seeing their messy bed hair and their complete and utter lack of self-consciousness over it
• The quirky outfits my youngest puts together
• The look on their faces when I tell them how amazing they are
• That quiet giggle
• That quick tush-squoosh
• That sweet kiss
• That warm hug

When I was denied the day off, it was more than a day off that someone tried to tell me I wasn't entitled to have.  It was all the things above I felt in that moment being taken from me.  And I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to accept that.  As every item I listed above will be gone before I know it.  They'll be memories; and it'll be hard to have memories of what didn't happen.

So, this morning; the day I couldn't have off - I sit. Drink my coffee.  And marvel over all the tiny moments that have taken my breath away every day for the past five days.  I brush the tear that sneaked out [if you tell anyone...I'll throat punch you] away and revel in gratitude knowing I've got every single one because someone told me, "No." and I didn't accept that answer.