Lately, I've seen so many posts about 'Women who are too much' like this one, and have totally related. I've been too loud. Too outspoken. Too vulgar. Too intimidating. Too opinionated. Too smart for my own good.
But on the flip side, I lived a life in stark contrast to that and have also been deemed not enough. Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. Not patient enough. Not pleasant enough. Didn't try enough.
Perplexing, is it not, to be too much yet not enough all at the same time? Why is it that other people feel the need to create standards that I am supposed to feel that I should live up to? What is it about the concepts of too much and not enough that have become such a standardized means of human value that many judge their own personal worth when weighed against?
See, here's the thing: I AM ENOUGH. AND I CAN NEVER BE TOO MUCH. I'm a human being...not a cheesecake. [OK, maybe not the best analogy because, honestly, there really can never be enough cheesecake; but I'm fairly certain the point has been received]
As I've been teaching my children - you give your best all of the time. It's never too much, because well, it's the best you've got and the world needs all the best anyone has to give. And you're never not enough; as when you've given your best, it's all you've got and it will never fall short. You can't just "try harder" if you've already given it the max you could. And the thing that I feel that where the fault lies is the perception that a human should be the best at all they endeavor rather than focusing on the happiness in the perseverance. Or conversely that you're become too much because you have risen to the best in a category.
For example: I will never be known for my patience. But what I do have is enough. And it runs short. Quickly. But, I continue to try and I give it my all and bite my tongue and clench my hands when I'm frustrated. And it's enough... Always. And I'm happy with my efforts, because if I weren't, it would mean that I'm not trying my hardest. So: enough.
To address the too much: I've been accused of being too intimidating more times than I can count. By men I can only assume don't appreciate women who are more intelligent than they are, and by women I once more assume do not value their own intellect enough and seek to flip it into my issue of being too much. I'm smart. Crazy smart. Smart on a level most don't understand. I've spent too much of my life not being normal enough and hiding it. And when I let that flag fly in all it's glory it's way too much for most.
No one forces you to be friends with those you have grown to think are too much or not enough. If someone else's best efforts fall short for you or are over the top - walk away. Be kind in the moment and find another group to surround yourself with. And if you're constantly being told to tone it down or to step it up when putting forth your all, look for those that will appreciate you and the gifts you have to give. They're out there.
In my entire life I've found one man who has never uttered the words 'too much' or 'not enough' when referring to me. I've never been too smart for him. I've never been too outspoken. And my best has always been ample because he knows I'm trying. He's never tried to make me feel inferior. That's who I choose to be around. So, I married him.
And of my female friends...well, there's not many. And that's ok. All of them are enough. Enough to be great friends and all I need. And they know who they are. And they're special; each one. And they make me feel special, and that is all that matters.
So when you feel like you relate to the posts that you are too much or not enough - ask yourself if you've given your all, change your perspective and realize that you're just right the way you already are. Enough is enough and never too much.
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