This Is One of *THOSE* Posts

Normally, I don't blog or post about this stuff...bc well, funny for me to say: It's just too personal.  But today, I was feeling it.  So, know in advance - it's not humorous, it's touchy feely.

This morning's walk with SoCo turned into a walk-sorta jog.  Because I was feeling it.  It felt like I needed to jog in a few spots.  Like I wasn't pushing myself enough.  What?  Who in the f#ck was saying that in MY head?!?  And so I did.  And it felt great.  And my heart didn't explode.  And it wasn't hard.  All of these things were shocking to me.

And then I came home.  I figured, my mood was up, so if I tried on pants & shorts that I've been holding onto forever in the next size down and they still didn't fit, it wouldn't be crushing.  I dug them out of hiding.  I tried them on.  Every last pair.  And while some fit better than others which were still snug...THEY ALL FIT.

I did the next thing any ecstatic person would do - I purged my closet; and said goodbye to an era.  An era where I hid behind baggy clothes, hoping you wouldn't notice me in there.  I said goodbye to stretchy jeans that fit when nothing else would.  I said goodbye to the girl I was back in December before I started doing what I'm doing.  Most shockingly for me, it wasn't terrifying.  It was liberating.

With the fat pants out of the way and my spirit lifted, I realized I needed to thank three important people.  For what they've done for me.  For what they do.  For who they are.

First, I need to thank Connie-Jo.  For being my inspiration.  For telling me I COULD do this.  For believing in me when I didn't believe in myself.  We don't talk often, but when we do, it means the world to me.  You're amazing, and I can't tell you in words what your journey represented in my own life.

Then Ali.  Always, Ali.  Ali who is never far from my side, even though she's so far away.  Ali who never lets me do things by myself.  Ali who pushes me.  Who encourages me.  Who always makes me want to be a better person for fear of letting her down, even though I know nothing I could ever do would.  Thank you for always, always being there.  You are the best friend I never thought I deserved.

Last, but definitely not least - BJ.  Thank you for loving me at my smallest, my largest and every Oprah size in between these last TWENTY years.  Thank you for encouraging me to figure out who I am outside of the titles "Mommy" and "Wife".  Thank you for the freedom you give me to be me and do all my crazy searching on my own terms and never once questioning me. 

I wasn't prepared today for what 20lbs and 1-ish+ pant sizes would mean.  And I'm not done yet...I'm only getting started.