A few weeks ago, a legend from my childhood passed on. I took a brief second to reflect how Macho Man Randy Savage shaped much of my life. After that moment of contemplation, I took an additional three winks to thank God that I’m still alive.
I have two significantly older brothers. For a few years of my young life, these then teenage boys were given authority over me as “babysitters”. I think the proper term that would be used in 2011 would be terrorists, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt on a technicality. My brothers, like most teenage boys, were fans of the ever growing in popularity WWF, in the 1980’s. They had their heroes. They emulated them…well, at least while “watching” me.
Countless times, I was the victim, no…test dummy…no, AHA! I was the excited participant in WWF wrestling bouts in my living room (sense my sarcasm oozing out yet?). My brothers practiced such moves as The Sleeper Hold, The Cobra Clutch, The Boston Crab AND the often imitated but never properly duplicated: Pile Driver. These boys were not professionals. They did not have a spring-loaded floor. Hell, they didn’t even wear ill fitting spandex…for some things; I guess I should be thankful.
I’ve been dropped kicked, pinned up against the “ropes” (usually that meant pinned between the couch & the wall), rug burned, Indian burned, eyes poked, hair pulled and mostly subdued into submission with threats of death or other violence. We had tag team matches with other neighboring kids…many older siblings got free range to beat the hell out of their younger and punier counterparts, who like me were always in tow.
So, in this brief moment of joyous meditation and introspection, I’m going to merely list the things that the Macho Man might have had an inadvertent hand in that has shaped who I am:
If you do it just right, you can head butt most anyone unconscious
Value a low center of gravity
One can clothes-line most any sized adult clear off their feet – see the above in list for additional tutelage
If you’re going to bite, do it with the side of your mouth, so they can’t put whatever it is you’re biting so far in as to gag you or render your biting useless
Spitting is the fastest way to turn someone else into the aggressor
Anything in a living room can be fixed with superglue, clear nail polish or wall putty
Chest hair can always be pulled to buy yourself 5 seconds when straits seem most dire
These fabulous things kept me safe on a college campus where guys outnumbered girls 7 : 1. They morphed me into a phenom. rugby player. Each earned me countless ounces of respect from potential suitors…and one, ONE most important one earned me the love and devotion of my now husband. Thank you, Randy Savage…Thank you.
HAHA! "Spitting is the fastest way to turn someone else into the agressor." <-- genius. :)
ReplyDeleteSeriously. If you ever want to get into a fist fight, but don't want to throw the first punch...spit on someone. That'll do it.
ReplyDeleteBJ used to pinch the back of my neck in a way that forced me to be at his will. Then he would run me down the hall and straight into the front door. I would drop like a sack of potatoes. Ow. At least I was able to dive behind the counter when he tried to break a step stool over my head...
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