Tree Huggers make chocolate?!?!

This year it happened...my husband's wack-a-doo leftwing nutjob family crossed the line. Severely crossed MY line in the sand. [Now, normally - I don't get involved in politics, I really could care less. Well, actually that is not completely true. I like to watch the rabid battles from the side lines and laughingly ad-lib conversations, subtitle photos and generally create generic assumptive nicknames for the people involved. What YOU believe in; I could care less - Please feel free to do whatever floats your canoe...just please, do not float your canoe in my pond...]

Ok. Having gotten all that out of my system. I am now going to associate chocolate with leftwing, fanatical, progressive, tree-huggers. Oh, you know the kind. They're pretty and colorful and have fancy names...NO! Not the liberals! The chocolate they buy you! It's a ruse. And being the intended recipient of this farce has upset and angered me, akin to a sleeping bear being poked at with a stick.

It came all unassuming like - in a box filled with all sorts of goodies for the entire family. Books and games for the kiddies and Whoa-ho! Low and behold there is chocolate for Mommy! This could be better than Christmas. This event is so epic in its monumental proportions that light shone down from heaven and music errupted from the cherub like creatures in my imagination. Staring me bold-faced were 5, yes, count them F-I-V-E beauteous bars for my edification - yes, I meant edification.

Clearly, EDIFICATION...as these bars were morally superior to all other bars. They were free trade bars. Not only were they free trade bars...they were made with purely organic ingredients. These bars were made for the morally conscious by the socially responsible. These were "Tree Hugger Bars".

Now, for those of you whom are not familiar with THBs...I've got something to tell you...These bastards lie. THEY LIE, DAMNIT!

I near knocked down a small child in my progress to get these splendid things to the kitchen. My husband was right on my heels. I was determined to shove as much of this prettily papered and aptly named, "Dark Chocolate with Raspberries" bar into my mouth as I could before he knocked me down and wrassled it from my hot and melty grasp.

And that is when I discovered the giant tree hugger lie. Tree huggers state that they use "raw organic sugar cane" and other sugar-ish sounding substances in their bars; but in actuality they use petty hate and cynicism.

I'm now fairly certain that some type of war crime was committed in my mouth. I threw the remains at my husband. I chewed purely out of my retaliating hatred for this horrible trick - to make him think he was going to reap the same glorious bounties I just had. I made that child of Liberalist Nazis realize the fruits of their avant-garde labors. He ate it. He gagged. He screamed at me in abhorrence and shock, "Where the fuhk is the sugar?!?!" It was not just me...

And now I know that tree hugger chocolate is a lie. I'm not sure what I ate. I know it was not the sugary goodness I've come to know and love called, "Chocolate". I'm not even sure it can hold a candle to that crap in Sixlets. What I do know is that I now have declared war on tree huggers...and their chocolate.

Happy Thanksgiving! Let's count those blessings!

So, as a break from tradition...I am not going to rant, but instead count my blessings. Maybe I'll do it in a verbal diarrhea type of spillage - you know, similar to a rant so you don't all get confused.

This year, I'm blessed. I'm blessed with kids who drive me crazy, a husband who can infuriate me, a house that needs some work done, a car that I hate driving, a body that ain't what it used to be, my fleeting sanity, family that contributes to my fleeting sanity, a bank account that is mainly empty, a job that doesn't challenge my potential, friends who live too far away and too few real ones who live close enough.

I know that doesn't sound like I am counting my blessings...but in actuality - I am. I love all of those things.

My kids can drive me crazy b/c they are healthy and active and loud and happy. My husband infuriates me to no end, b/c I love him and want the best for him and sometimes he can't see the forest through the trees (silly man...).

I have a house and while it may need work, I can afford it, and it is mine. I hate my care purely b/c it is too big for me, and that is by design...it is meant to hold that wonderful family of mine and keep them safe - NOT for me to love.

I am overweight, but I've got some tasty food to eat, a family that loves to cook with me and I can still pull off a somewhat little black dress in creative ways...My sanity may be fleeting, but I've still got it (well, most days) and the extended family that contributes to my hysteria, I've got them. That is more than many can say.

While my bank account is near empty...it is b/c I've used it on all the things I've mentioned above that are the most important things in my life; and hey - I still have it to attempt to fill some day, right? My job doesn't challenge me to my potential, but it does allow for me to have a family on MY terms. It's not much, but I'll take it for now. I still have to work on what I want to be when I grow up...

And lastly, the friend thing. I'm thankful to have you even though you are far away. We keep in touch and I'll hope for the day you move close enough for me to take for granted. And the real friends being sadly lacking close by - well, it made me appreciate the ones far away more than I could have ever dreamed.

The long or short of it is...I really love my life - precisely how it is. Well, that is not too true. I'd love to love it from about 20 lbs lighter. LOL, but who wouldn't? Thanks to everyone and everything for being here for me to gripe about but to really hug tightly when the chips are down and the doors are closed. You make me...well, me. And I kinda like this chick.