Let It Go...

It's no secret that recently, I lost my job.  I did what any self-respecting person of my age group would do: I posted about it on FB.  I became bitter, then relieved, then frightened.  And I had a martini...or five.  Ok, I'll be honest: lots of martinis.  While this news became a total blessing for me and my family (I had actually decided to quit my job earlier that week to stay home with my kids at the end of summer), it was still hard to choke down that my employer saw no worth in me.  [shrugs] Oh, well.

There is something daunting about trying to decide what to do with your life.  I'm a grown-up for God's sake.  I'm supposed to have this all figured out.  And then some things hit me; this might be my only chance in life to knock some items off my bucket list.  Yes, I totally have a bucket list.  Typed.  Single spaced.  Bulleted. And for as long as I can remember, it's been filled with dreams.  Not things I had actually planned to take off the list, but things I wished I could take off the list.  A bucket list of pipe dreams...

There was a giant one staring me back in the face.  You know, one of those items you dream of doing your whole life, but you are [when you're honest with yourself] too terrified to even attempt.  Frightened because not trying is much safer for your ego than trying and failing miserably, or hell - just failing?  Tentative because giving up this part of yourself is the ultimate exposure, and it will either be justifying as a person or crushing...  In any case, I've decided to give it a whirl, take it off my list.

Look back through my posts.  Note the date I started this blog and the large lapse until I actually started posting, and then posting with regularity.  That all came about because I wanted to write, but was so anxious at how my life, my mind, my humor and my family would be received [and mainly by people I know].  When the posts start becoming somewhat regular, I had gone through a personal trial that left me NEEDING to put a voice to the mess in my head.  And it's been healing.  And hurtful.  And necessary.

This.  This is my next trial.  I've decided I'm going to publish that book.  I've been looking at self-publishing, so I might only publish a few copies, with some online editions (and wish some more from there that some publishing house finds me and things take off) that you - all of you who have been so supportive of me can pick up for a reasonable price.  I'll be quiet for a while, brushing up on one of my biggest inspirations: Erma Bombeck - If you've not read anything of hers, do yourself a favor and check a copy out of the library immediately!  [While most little girls my age grew up idolizing Sally Ride, Marylou Retton, Madonna and Dorothy Hamill; I wanted to be Erma.  Or June Cleaver, with a side of Erma...this has totally endured 30 years later for me - some dreams never die.]

For all of you who read me and do not comment, I implore you - take this moment to tell me what you think.  What would you like to hear about?  If you've ever passed this site onto someone else, why?  If you've stumbled here by accident, and you came back - what drew you in?  If you're part of my faithful: why?  Do you hear my voice, or is it that you can just relate based on where your life is?  Here's your one chance to tell me where I can go, how I can improve and what you want to see should you decide to purchase that book once I've compiled it.

And to everyone who listened to me, and encouraged me to use my writing to keep the demons at bay: thank you.