It's NOT a Tumah...

So, it's been a while.  I know, I know.  So much has been up lately for me on a personal level that I just couldn't post again until I was comfortable with my results and talking about it.  You know me, I have to talk about everything: the good, the bad...the leaky plumbing.

So, about nine months ago, my endocrinologist decided to pull me off my meds.  What was the worst case scenario she asked?  I could get my symptoms back, which could prompt for insurance to cover additional testing and better treatments.  [spoiler alert - I'm about to post a TMI - if you're not interested in learning something personal, don't click any links].  See, I have Hyperprolactinemia.  No big deal right?  Except that the ONLY known cause is a tumor of sorts.  A. Brain. Tumor.  But...whatever.  This is old hat to me as I've been undergoing treatment for eight years now.

Here's where it gets interesting: normal levels should read about 10-ish.  Mine is about 130 and no one knows why.  So, Doc pulls me off meds, my once controlled prolactin levels once more sky rocket...and I'm immediately put back on meds and sent for MRIs.  They're sure it's a tumor this time!  Guess what?  It's not a tumah.  Good news, right?  Nope.  Not for me.  Seriously, could I be the only person on earth who PRAYS that I have a brain tumor?  Probably [shaking my head]...

So, eight years later, I'm back at the drawing board.  I'm on such a low dose of a medication that the doctors have no idea how it is lowering my levels and stopping my symptoms...but I'm on a medication that has no known long term effects; indefinitely.  No long term effects you say?  That must be good.  Nope.  Not for me.  There's no *known* long term effects, b/c it is not meant to be taken long term.  It is meant to be taken in a high dose until that pesky tumor is shrunk and has vanished then stopped completely.  But, I have no tumah...so on my circle goes.  I can't come off the meds, b/c who on earth wants *those* side effects?

The worrisome part, the part that I've had to take some time for me to come to grips with is that while I'm being labeled as 'Atypical Hyperprolactinemia' (Fancy, huh?), that it could be something else completely that I'm not exhibiting symptoms of.  What all that really means is that there's something wrong and causing my issues, but no one knows WTF it is, nor can they test for it (as it is, insurance doesn't cover my bi-annual blood work, b/c some presumed pimply faced intern deigned that it was not needed.  Thanks, and your medical degree is where?  Oh...).  It's hard for me, the planner, to rectify that something *may* or *may not* surface in 15 years that could be detrimental to my health, that could have been easily prevented.  [sigh]  It's not easy for me.

But all things considered, I'm happy.  I don't have a tumah.  And I guess I should be thankful that the faucets are in place; even if they have a slow leak....

I Resolve Not to Make Resolutions!

For years, I've marvelled at those who make resolutions.  They start the year with the best of intentions to accomplish some specific task or achieve some specific goal.  By the end of the first three months, most are usually defeated.  I have to shake my head, because at this point, those folks can only feel worse about themselves than they did to start off the whole horrible cycle.

Each year, I resolve NOT to make resolutions.  Instead, I spend the year focusing on all the things I need to to change my life in a positive direction.  I know I'm going to fail...but hey!  If I can just do an eensy ounce better than I did last year, BONUS!

My goal as a wife, mother and individual is to provide for my family a bit better than my mom did for me (hey, it's called progress...and I hope my kids attempt this standard and put my methods in the dust!).  Some days, this is super easy to accomplish and some days there is no way I can even compare to her.  But, with all this in mind, I'd like to share with you the items that I resolve not to make a resolution over, but will struggle with every single day until I've perfected them (which, will be: Never - in case you're keeping score):

1. Yell less & hug more.
2. Tell my husband every day that I love him.
3. Tell my kids every day what is special about them.
4. Communicate better (see #1 for elaboration).
5. Be patient.  [ok, let's be totally honest with this one...I'm never going to be a patient person.  Maybe I should strive to practice deep breathing for 10 seconds and no longer utter the words, "Reverse, Reverse" under my breath]
6. Swear less. [OK: this one, I'm feeling pretty confident about.  I figure that if I can eliminate one curse word from my general conversation & rants every day - this is a super huge improvement.  Next year, I could be so bold as to work toward removing one per hour.  NEXT YEAR - YES!  I know what you're thinking...What the fuhk?  Cut me some slack...and don't judge!]
7. Find some time for me.  Somewhere between worrying about #'s 1, 2 & 3, I typically forget who I am.  And what I'm doing here for me.  It's something important I have to remember so that by the time September rolls around I don't feel lost and alone.

So, with that.  I wish you all good luck in your New Year's Resolutions and will trudge down the road of my non-committal and happily mess up, trip, fall, pick myself up, dust myself off & try again tomorrow.