A Word From Dora...

Admittedly, much to my father’s chagrin (please note that he was a Social Studies teacher for over 30 some-odd years), I suck at geography, social studies and history. He’s had the audacity to ask me before where Greece was. “I have no idea. Instead, how about I name you like five of their Ancient God’s and/or Goddesses?” He stared at me, speechless (I bet that’s exactly the look on my face when my kid says something priceless...), and then began to wonder, aloud, rhetorically, to himself, how I ever expected to travel (across whatever ocean it is I’d have to cross to get there); “Jesus Dad…I’d get there like everyone else: by booking a flight, going to the airport, arriving and then hopping on a tour bus. And mind you, I don’t even have to know how to get to the airport. I have a GPS!” [My father has made scowling an art.]

Which brings me to my husband. He’s brilliant, and I love him for it. Man, his brains are sexy. …and on top of that, he’s everything I’m not. He’s patient, he’s soft-spoken and most importantly for this scenario – he’s up to date on world events (past & present) and well versed in geography and social studies. We really are a great team. I’m sure with his help, my dad can rest easy, that in my ultimate retardedness, I’ll someday be able to travel to Greece and arrive safely with the other half’s superior intellect in tow.

Frankly, the above is the reason why, the other night, my husband left me staring at him with absolutely nothing to say. Nada. Zero. Zip.

I walked into the living room and plunked down next to him on the couch. On TV was some sort of educational NatGeo or Green Planet show (little known fact – we’re educational TV junkies). “Hmmm, what’s this – isn’t that Kilimanjaro? Nín hǎo. Oh, come on. Don’t you remember the episode of Dora where she goes to China and also whatever country that mountain is located in…and learns to say Nín hǎo? You know: SWIPER NO SWIPING!!!”

“OMG, Cath…you do realize that they wouldn’t say Nín hǎo if you visited Mt. Kilimanjaro? You DO know that Mt. Kilimanjaro is located in Africa, right?”

“Yessssss. I know that. I was merely quoting that Dora episode that is now stuck in my head. Alls I can remember about it is she kept saying Nín hǎo, as they went to China first…THEN Tanzania, and now the kids say it all the freaking time – as if we are in China at this very moment. BTW: how was it they’d say ‘HI’ if you were dense enough to climb that mountain? ..bout the only thing I can’t remember from that episode.”

“Well, they’d say it however you’d say ‘hi’ in African.”

This time, it is my turn to just stare, mouth agape…Words, for one of the few moments in my life escape me. I’m barely able to hiss out a “WOW, BJ, wow…” I actually think about calling my father (except that it is after 10pm) and telling him that my husband, whom he loves more than he loves me most days, has no idea where Mt. Kilimanjaro is located (further than Africa, even though I had JUST said it) and that apparently, if we were to go there…you know, on safari or something…our guide might just be speaking African.