It's no secret that I made more than my share of tremendously bad choices as a teenager; who hasn't? It's a rite of passage. Amongst my most superior flops were my selections in love. I pandered to bad boys. I consorted with drop-outs, stoners and guys who were totally wrong for me. My biggest mistakes in love were that I never valued myself and dated someone who actually deserved me.
Flash forward well into my time in college, and my string of poor choices continued...until I dared to reach for what I assumed was out of my league. I ensnared a good guy. He was intelligent and funny and a horrible match for me, purely b/c of who we both were. But what he taught me was priceless...and he paved the way for me to feel I merited more. That I deserved a life-altering and mind blowing love...and he even introduced us! Enter my now husband.
While we've been together for what comfortably feels like forever, I sometimes wish that I had found him at an earlier point in my life [which is just plain silly, b/c I needed all the mess I had made of myself to get to where I was 15+ years ago]. I mourn the fact that he was not any of my firsts. Not my first kiss. Not my first love. Not my...well...first. [insert my embarrassed face here].
I've never shied from the fact that the things I love most about him, the most adorable things on earth, are his dorky tendencies. Those dumb moments that make my heart skip, and make me remember what it once felt like when any love was new. And now, I've got this magical moment in which he CAN be a first! See, I've never kissed a guy with braces.
Due to medical reasons, it was suggested he get braces. He got them. And it's glorious. All those things I felt when I had braces and various other mouth altering apparatus all those years ago, I can see him feeling in his face. He seems a little more reserved. He appears a bit self-conscious. But one big difference is that they've enhanced his boyish charm a million times [something I didn't imagine possible].
And I find myself nervous. I have that chance for a first kiss with him...all over again. One of those little life check-boxes. Kissed a guy with braces? Check. And while we've kissed numerous times since he got them just a few days ago...a kiss hello, a smack good night, a tender cheek graze in a moment of sadness - I've not REALLY kissed him. I want it to be just right, and I'm afraid I'll mess it up.
What 36-year-old, married, mother of three says things like that about her husband? Ugh...this girl. I've daydreamed about it close to a zillion times since he got them. And yet, I'm still frightened. Yes, terrified. And I remember what I felt like so long ago: When you wondered if he was going to call. When you contemplated if it would be worth it...if your heart would race...if it would be amazing...if you bashed teeth...if he'd drool on you...Yikes!
And ultimately, I think - it will be my perfect first kiss; as how many people are lucky enough to get that once in a lifetime moment with the only person in life worth having it with? This girl...check.
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