My Anniversary

I've now hit the one year anniversary of when I was let go from my job due to outsourcing.  It's also the one year anniversary of finding who I really am. The one year anniversary of feeling valuable.  The one year anniversary of realizing that I *CAN* totally do it [whatever IT may be].

I'll admit, I was terrified when it first happened.  Having had a job since I was 12, much of my identity was caught up in the fact that I was good at what I did, and that I was a hard worker.  I've come to know that none of that changed; only the mere what of what I was doing altered.  In a moment of self-pityand distress, I confided all my self-doubt in a friend (who is wiser than she gives herself credit for, and has come to mean more to me than she could possibly know), who told me, "You've got this.  You'll be just fine.  Just. Go. Do. It."

And I did.  I've done more things than I thought myself capable of and tried doing things I never imagined were done by everyday people in the past year than I have in my lifetime; sum total.  Sure I've failed, but I've also succeeded...tremendously.  I no longer look at obstacles or new ideas with an underlying fear, but with humor and pride; because my friend was 100% right: I've totally got this.

I've made bread, and yogurt [and I'm going to make cheese next, because: why not?!?].  I've canned jams and sauces.  I've destroyed a bathroom...and then fixed it.  I've overseen home repairs.  I've sewed.  I've crocheted.  I've managed projects.  I've been a General Contractor of Life.  And contrary to my initial unease: it all pays very well.

My paychecks these days consist of mainly hugs and kisses.  I get weekly snuggle bonuses.  I've heard sentences that make me want to cry:
"You made this?  It's awesome!"
"I love XXXXX that you do/make best!"
"I don't know what I'd do without you!"
"You're amazing!"

I find the times of thinking I am a sucky mom/wife are diminishing daily.  I find my self worth inversely correlated to that and therefore increasing daily.  Most of all, I'm happy.  Not that I wasn't happy before, but a new found inner peace kind of happy.

With that, I look forward to what this next year is going to bring me...  and I rub my hands together and think, "Bring on that cheese.  I'm ready for it!"