A Salad's Just Not A Salad Without Croutons

I'm a dog person.  There.  I finally said it.  I feel better now.  And I'm not just an any dog kind of person...I'm a MY dog kind of person.  I was bit as a child and therefore I am friendly with, but somewhat distrustful of most dogs I encounter, especially little dogs.  But my own dog...that is a completely different story.  See - my dog and I; we got a thing.  Mainly, that is because my dog is 100% pure awesomeness and, well; I am hilarious.

Ever see the movie Frozen?  Yeah, I know...me too.  In any case, SoCo and I are are very much like Kristoff and Sven.  We have wonderful conversations.  All the time.  Out loud.  In public.  We've even been known to text people, you know: to share our magnificence...

SoCo has a beautiful and rich alto voice [even though she's female - she's a lower range alto - but that's just her speaking voice, although I'm sure she'd sound lovely if she sang], which makes perfect sense, as she IS a coon hound, and well - her bark or bay are forces to be reckoned with.  She speaks slowly and simply, not because she is dumb, you knobs...but because English IS her second language.  And similarly to how many different groups throw festivals throughout the summer to show their pride, she starts off all of her conversations with: I am dog.  She's super proud of that, and wants to make sure you understand that fact and don't forget it.

Our conversation this morning started no differently...

SoCo:  I am dog.  Croutons!  I love croutons!

Me:  Yeah, me too, [talking into my closet] best part of the salad if you ask me.  No croutons...not worth eating.

SoCo: Oh, would you then like me to share my croutons?

Me: Wait...croutons?  How the hell did YOU get croutons?

SoCo: You [or someone else, but I am assuming you, since I love you most] placed some artfully on the floor for me as a treat because I am dog.  

Me:  You can't have croutons.  They are bad for you.  ...Wait!  Did you say croutons are on the floor?

SoCo:   [mumbling because she is talking with her mouth full] Uh huh.

Me:  My God!  WTF are you eating?  We're upstairs.  There are no croutons up here, and definitely NO croutons on the floor...  [I drop my clothes and run over to her]

SoCo:  I just told you...Croutons.  You love croutons - and I love these like you love croutons...so they are croutons.

Me:  THOSE AREN'T CROUTONS!  STOP EATING THE CAT LITTER, YOU JERK!

SoCo:  The cat left me these croutons?  I knew she loved me...