It Was Cited In My Arrest Paperwork...

In a bold move [IMHO], Weight Watchers tapped Oprah to be their new spokesperson.  Outside of her gobs and gobs of money, I totally feel her.  I, too, have struggled with weight my whole life.  I, too, have been a yo-yo of incessant trial and error.  And most importantly, I, too, fucking LOVE bread.

There, I said it.  I.  Fucking.  Love.  Bread.

And I've tried every diet known to man.  Grapefruit diet.  Yup. The whole 'Eat Less & Run More' diet thing.  And the Atkins.  And that's when I realized something - when you tell me I can't have something, I become like a rabid dog.  I would kill for it.  I've transformed into an aggressive and mean person...ok, I became even more aggressive and mean.  Purely because I couldn't have bread.  Like, I'm going to be arrested and there written in the arrest write up [or whatever it's called] will be clear as day:

"It had been 10 days since she had bread when she went on her rampant killing spree that left 15 dead, with countless maimed and crippled for life..."

Bread.

It's such a simple thing really - some flour, some water, some yeast.  But it is SO much more.  the crispy outside texture.  The soft and fluffy inside texture.  The magic of its versatility: it's a sandwich, Noooo - it's toast.  Noooo - it's garlic bread.  MAGICAL, I SAY!

So, every time Oprah comes on my TV, I feel like standing up and cheering, "YAAAAAS!  OMG!  I love bread too, Oprah!"

Then the commercial ends.  And I am sad - 1. Because I don't have a sandwich right now and 2. Because my love of bread HAS to be what hinders me from losing this extra three bazillion pounds I need to shed.  But mostly because 1. I don't have a sandwich.

[sigh]

Thanks, Oprah.  I, too, LOVE bread...