Oh, I'm Sure I Can Find That...

I push my chair back and shakily come to my feet.
My eyes dart nervously about the room.
I clear my throat.

"Hi, I'm Cathy...and it's been 37 minutes and 18, no, 19 seconds since I've made a purchase online."

My dog, the only other living creature in the room sits up on the couch and gives me side eye.  And I think to myself, "Man, I've got a problem and I'm glad I was able to admit that to a room full of strangers!  It's like a weight has been lifted."

SoCo judges me, "I am dog.  And I can tell you, lady, that you are one french fry short of...Mmmm, I love french fries!"

And there it is, confirmed by my dog that I've officially crossed the line into a crazed online shopper.  It's not my fault, really.  I blame my kids.  Aaaaand my husband.  Taking them shopping was worse than having your eyes gouged out with rusty nails [ok, I IMAGINE it's worse than that].  So, I began with buying their clothes online.  No stores.  No whiny kids.  No anxiety.  #Winning.

It grew from there as I started price comparing and coupon coding.  It's gotten to the point where friends ask me to find things for them.  The seven times I interact with other humans a year, it's mainly to tell them that I was able to find this rare artifact [that they wished they found] for $5.00 after 17 hours of grueling and rampant surfing.

And I think I really realized the scope of my problem when I started searching for items, not because I wanted to purchase them; but moreover because I merely wanted to see if they existed.  And if indeed the unicorn was real, I had to ensure that I could find it available for purchase for 50% less than what it would or should be valued at.

Enter in my search for my own China set.  I mean, I don't NEED China.  In my cabinet sits a lovely antique set that belonged to my husband's paternal grandmother.  One day, it will belong to my son.  But...well...it doesn't really GO with my dining room.  So, I want a matchy-matchy set.  And I found a lovely set online that will ONLY cost me ABOUT $3,000.00  after I purchase all the pieces I would like to serve 16.  Challenge accepted.

Not that I expect to find the exact pattern.  Nooooo, no.  But something close.  And I'm not willing to pay more than $300.  That's firm.  I begin to scour online auctions and estate sales.  I watch the bidding.

I've even begun to involve others.

Me: Look at this!  It's amazing.  Aaaand the right price, but seriously, I can't find the rest of the pattern anywhere online.  It's like this China brand doesn't even exist.  And that's ridiculous.  How am I supposed to continue my life with the perfect set of China, if I can only find four teacups?!?
BFF: Are we really doing this?  Is this what's happening today?
Me: Oh, yes!  And every day until I find what I'm looking for at a price I'm willing to pay, including taxes and shipping...  Oooh, wow.  This set isn't me, but you might....
BFF: I totally just bid on that!  What are you doing to me?!?

I hang my head in shame.  It's terrible.  Well...it's terrible that is, until my husband comes home six days before Christmas and tells me that he hasn't purchased anything for his employees and has no idea what to do.

My eyes light up.  I crack my knuckles, and giggle.  "It's ok honey...I'm here for you.  You see, you have this problem with waiting until the last minute...It's a sickness, but I can help you find something..."