Promises Are Meant To Be Kept...

I have very few rules in life.  The rules I have are iron clad and not to be taken lightly.  I live by these rules and they have shaped me into the person that I am.  Rule #1 is to be true to yourself and to never compromise your beliefs.  Rule #2 is to give life everything you've got because you'll never know when you don't have any more to give.  Rule #3 is to never have regrets (sure we've all done stupid things, but don't regret them, use them as learning opportunities) and Rule #4 - never make promises you cannot or may not be able to keep.

Most recently Rule #4 came under the scrutiny of my five-year-old son.

We were driving along on a summer family outing.  My husband said something rude/mean to me, which I made a gasp and jokingly respond with, "Fine.  I just won't love you anymore."  He smiled, looked at me and retorted, "You will.  You promised." He seemed pretty smug.

The whole exchange, which I thought happened in the front of the car and would go unnoticed by the little ears around us, was of great curiosity to my son.  He had heard the entire exchange and wondered how his daddy could smile when I said I would not love him any longer.  My husband merely told him, "I smile because I know Mommy couldn't do that - she promised me she would always love me and she always keeps her promises.  It's a rule."

I then had the most wonderful back & forth with him.

"Mommy, why do you HAVE to keep all your promises."

"Because, I won't make a promise unless I'm going to keep it.  You can do many things in life, but promises should be reserved for things that you have control over and can see through until the end.  Like loving Daddy...I make a choice every day to love him.  There are days when I don't like him much, but I sure do love him, and I remind myself that I promised him that I would always love him.  So, I do.  It's that simple."

"But what if you're mad at him?"

"Doesn't matter, sweetie.  My word is my bond.  I promised him I would love him.  I don't break promises.  I can be mad at him.  Just because I'm mad at him doesn't mean I don't love him any more.  I've decided to always love him.  Then I promised and it is that simple.  Just because I'm mad or hurt or angry or sad doesn't mean I give up on my promise & throw it all away.  It means I have to love him more and try again."

My son seemed to puzzle this over.  While he thought, I mulled myself.  The greatest gift I can give to my kids is to love their father.  Especially when I don't like him.  Especially when I'm mad at him.  Especially when I don't want to.  It's what makes us strong.  It's what makes me, well...me.  I promised and that is that in my book.  I smiled to myself and rubbed my husband's neck (who was also smiling - I think he might have been having a cocky moment....)

The next words I will forever remember - "Mommy, do you promise to love me?"

"Absolutely.  I promise to love you every day and then forever more."

Suddenly, his smile mirrored his father's and I knew he understood.