One only need be in the presence of a child for moments to find out the darnedest of facts, details and meaning in their young lives. The cake in my household has been taken by my youngest; my lovely three-year-old daughter. I thought to share a few of her most recent greatest hits...
Shortly after emerging from bath, in her clean jammies and undies, my delightfully scented child hunkers next to me on the couch and loudly informs the inhabitants of the living room, "I can't sit still because my undies are up my butt crack!" Yikes, that sounds like a problem indeed.
Strangely, this child is fascinated with California. She's already decided that she will be moving there upon growing up. "I'm going to live in California because it's nice there. The polar bears don't live there. If they did, they would destroy your house, but they're not there so my house will be safe." Good to know. I'll guard against the random polar bears that inhabit our back yard in the winter months.
She gets on your lap, gets off your lap, gets on your lap, gets off until, flustered, you inquire if she has ants in her pants. Her reply? "No! If there were, they'd eat my crotch then I couldn't pee any more." Seriously? I better watch out for crotch-eating ants - I imagine this being one of the most tragic species of all...
She hates wearing socks. Socks can be found strewn about our house at any given point. Just last night, she plops down on my dining room floor and tells my friend while picking out her toe-jam, "This crud gets in my toes from the air. Air is bad for this dirty toe-jam." Then proceeds to wipe the sock fuzzy from between her toes on my floor. Ugh, gross kid, we eat in here!
I inquire of my children, "Hey guys - how did this pink marker get on the couch? Do any of you know?" The resounding reply shouted into my ear? "Daddy did it! I saw him! Now, are you going to spank him? Please?" Wow, Daddy...watch out, LBG's got it in for you!
Like most kids, mine LOVE to play "En Garde" with sticks. When I requested they drop their sticks because someone was going to get hurt, I'm told, "We're not going to hurt each other, we're just bashing our sticks together until someone gets whacked." I see now...you're not going to hurt anyone playing like that.
While rough-housing with Grandpa she requests, "Can you pinch my hiney?" He looks at me weirdly then complies with a shrug of his shoulders. I nearly fall over in mirth as she scolds him, "Not like that. That's all wrong. You need to do it like Mommy does." Sue me, there's something irresistible about pinching your kid's butt; I can so see why football players are so keen to it.
And last, but certainly not least has to come the grunting from the bathroom. This child makes sure to close the door while she does her business "because she needs her privacy" which is great. What's not so great? Hearing a shout, "Daddy, get in here! I need you to hold my butt cheeks apart so that my poopin' can come out!" I've never thanked God so much as I did in that moment that she chose him as her favorite parent...
So weird - my 3-year-old is also on the lookout for random polar bear attacks! That is the one thing she sometimes gets afraid of at night, that a polar bear is going to come in her room. Our girls sound A LOT alike!
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