I'm chubby. Three kids and about 1 zillion Ho-hos after my wedding, I've packed on about 40 pounds. It doesn't help that I'm a baker by heart & soul. I love to bake...and cook. Plainly, I enjoy food. I don't eat because my daddy didn't love me enough or because I was last picked for dodge ball in gym classes growing up. We have healthy and nutritious home cooked meals in my house most every single night (with splurge items on the weekends - homemade macaroni and cheese with sauteed mushrooms & rosemary or chicken with caramelized apples in a amaretto sauce). I eat a little too much because, well...it tastes so damned good.
On my road to shed those 40 pounds (it was 50 not so long ago, thank you), I've discovered something. I know why some people are referred to as "Skinny Bitches". These poor creatures are starving. Mind you, I'm on an aggressive diet (that I keep sneaking snacks on...which surely is not helping the fact that I've maintained my weight three weeks running and only this morning bitched out my scale for a slight Oreo transgression last night) that mainly limits me to 1390 calories a day - that is until I shed another pound and it drops; but I've rediscovered some things about myself.
I'm one mean SOB when I'm hungry. Lately, that's most every five minutes. Stay the hell out of my way. Especially if I am en route to the microwave with yet another bowl of tasty and delicious low calorie soup I made & froze. It's soup people - really, I'm thinking about sinking my teeth into some wonderful burger laden with cheese and something sauteed. This is a terribly sad substitute. I think I told some poor coworker to jump off the building when he greeted me in passing. I think I might have strangled the innocent person who offered me a bag of low calorie microwave popcorn as an alternative. If I did, and you find the body - please call me so I can conceal it better the second time around.
Skinny bitches. I've wanted to go back to being one for so long that I forgot how I used to stare at food. I forgot that my normally sarcastic self became down right evil. I remember looking at people with disdain while passing through the food court in the mall thinking, "I'd maul that guy just to get one of those fries..." Which is funny, considering I rarely eat fast food. I've even contemplated tackling random babies to obtain their scrumptious, if not drool covered teething biscuit.
So, the next time you see a skinny woman cussing someone out, or note the rail thin driver who cut you off then gave YOU the finger...just realize this poor darling hasn't eaten properly in possibly years. The tiny high school girl who budged in front of you in line at the grocery store - she was just trying to score a bagel that would provide her life sustaining nutrients for the next eight hours. Cut her some slack. And carry a bag of carrots. This might potentially save your life.
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