Your Character Speaks Leaps & Bounds

A good friend recently told me that I needed to get down the story of my husband & I for my kids. I pondered. I guess I sometimes take for granted the specialness of the bond that he and I have. I sometimes fail to see what outsiders find amazing and beautiful. And sometimes, I completely revel in the fact that I married the best person I know. I guess that is our secret.

One of my favorite stories to retell about him is from when we were merely friends. In fact, I was, at the time – dating one of his buddies (that being how we met). He did something so small, as a friend, that has stuck with me all these years. It was a single act of kindness that spoke leaps and bounds about who he is – inside and out…as he would have done it for anyone.

Let’s flash back to 1997. I was a college student. We both were. Difference being, I was a poor and scared college student. My mother for reasons I’ll not go into didn’t approve of my going to “the lady doctor”. I found a way for my own health to see someone. I saved my small paychecks and drove myself to Planned Parenthood. They provided me with healthcare at a reasonable price when I wasn’t allowed to use her insurance to care for myself.

About a week after a routine visit, I received a phone call. Something was wrong. They needed to see me right away. That day; tomorrow wouldn’t do. I was terrified. It was a 40+ min. trip home to see the doctor. I was frightened and didn’t want to make it on my own. My roommates were working and wouldn’t call in to go with me. My boyfriend at the time had classes. I was beside myself. I had decided not to go. I was too afraid to – sounds completely stupid, I know, but I was 19 and 19 year olds are not known for their intelligent decision making.

I did the only thing I thought reasonable. I showed up at BJ’s apartment. I just needed to talk it out to someone, and everyone I had called prior didn’t have the time to listen to the blathering ramblings of their scared friend. BJ was there, as always. Running late to his class - a shocker. Rather than brushing me off, he sat down and listened earnestly. Then he took my hand and told me it was dangerous to avoid something I needed to do for myself just because I was fearful. He asked if he could go with me to keep me company on that long drive home.

Through my tears, I accepted his greatest gift – his offer of unquestioning friendship. [Forgive me, I get a little teary recalling how special that moment was]...OK, I'm alright.

In one of the most worrisome times in my short life, the people who should have been by my side were too busy with their own lives to help, but this guy, a friend of my boyfriend spoke volumes in his quiet presence about who he was.

Unassumingly, he sat beside me the whole car ride, listening to me ramble and snort and choke back sobs as I blew my nose and thought of all the doomsday what-ifs. He never called my fears silly or unreasonable. He just listened and was there without strings, because that is what friends do.

Upon arrival, he helped my inconsolable self check in. He held my hand in the lobby and patiently waited there while I was called back to be seen. And when I walked out, with results, nearly an hour later, he hugged me while I cried with relief that it wasn’t as bad as they had thought (and no where near what my over-imaginative mind had conjured up).

When we left, he actually thanked me for letting him be there for me. Can you believe that? He. Thanked. Me.

At the time, we were never more than friends, but I when I think back on things, I think that might have been the moment when I first fell in love with him.

One day when my kids are old enough to understand, the best piece of advice I’ll ever be able to give to them is: Marry the best person you know. That’s what I did. To date, it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. And he’s still – 15 years later, the best person I know.