The Moments that Define You

There are moments in life that define who you are and make you realize what is important in your life.  I'm fairly grounded to the point that the only things that truly matter to me are my husband and my "Things".  Last night was one of those moments for me.  One of the most terrifying in my life.  An instant that passed too slowly and that made me break down and take stock of all that I have...  Let me illustrate...

I was making dinner.  My son's job is to set the table.  We were out of napkins.  Napkins.  Stupid fuhking napkins.  Napkins that could have changed my entire life in the blink of an eye.  My son went down stairs to the pantry to get more napkins.   Or, that was the intent.

What actually happened is that he went down five stairs and then fell as-over-tea-kettle down the next  eight to wind up laid out on the concrete floor of our basement.  Screaming ensued.  He screamed.  We ran.  We screamed.  My husband screamed for him not to move.  I screamed for my husband not to touch him.

He was taken to the hospital where luckily he was un-concussed and banged up pretty badly, but OK.  Five horrible, excruciating hours later he and his father returned home.  I didn't sleep.  I worried.  I thought about what if's.  What if he had broken his neck?  What if he didn't come home?  What if I didn't have him?

I've cried.  I've sat thinking that I'm not much without him.  I've learned that he's part of my soul, and there isn't a deal that I didn't offer up to God to just have him OK.  I've experienced loss before, I've been afraid, I'd thought I knew what was important in life.  This.  This was different.  This was terror.  Sheer pure, utter, undefinable terror.  And as parents, we walk this line quietly every day: when your child gets on a bus, when your child goes to play at a friend's, when your child gets sick - but those moments shout at you in moments of crisis.

Those moments define who you are and what you are capable of.  And these moments make you thankful for every breath you take and realize how fragile your reality is.  I've thanked God countless times in the last 24 hours, and I'm thankful for all the offers of help and concern.  Mostly, I'm thankful for the guardian angel that kept my gentle son safe.  I'm certainly have countless blessings.