Richard Simmons is a Jerk

Endorphins create happy people.  Exercise releases endorphins.  Therefore: people who exercise are happy.  What crap!  I'm firmly convinced that Richard Simmons is either deranged OR a play-acting jerk hell bent on the bottom line.

It's no lie that weight has been a constant struggle in my life.  I make goals, I work hard, and after a few months with no visible results (either on the scale or in my clothes), I give up...just to repeat the nasty cycle again.  I don't want to be chubby.  I'd like to be fit.  I'd like to look nice in that form flattering dress I've been pushing to the back of my closet.  I'd like to *FEEL* like my husband is proud of me (keep in mind, he's totally supportive and very loving and assures me he's always proud of me - it's me).  So, I get back on the horse and try, try again!

This time around (as with every other) I try something that seemed to work a little - if only I kept with it longer, as well as something new.  It really should be a matter of energy in vs energy out, right?  [sigh]  So, I track my calories consumed best I can via Loseit and I started back up on exercising.  I bought a FitBit (which deserves its own whole blog posting)  I dusted off my couch to 5K app, and revisited an old friend: Billy Blanks.  Yes, I said Billy Blanks and his unitarded (haha, unitard) Tae Bo awesomeness!

I can honestly tell you that not ALL people who exercise are happy people.  In fact, I think it has the reverse effect on me.  I'm angry.  I'm bitter that I have shitty genes and that all (well, maybe not 1 or 2 cousins) the women in my family battle weight (attest: I'm THE tallest blood relative female in my family, both sides - and I'm only 5'7").  I'm incensed that I work so hard and it doesn't melt off.  I'm indignant that I'm tired and sore.  And mainly, I'm chafed that Billy's unitard doesn't give me the same satisfaction that I'm sure seeing Josh Duhamel in a unitard would elicit.  GRRRR!

I've tried so many different exercise routines and all yield the same results: Cathy swearing in her head while doing the activity...well, except one, but that one while being at the top of my list doesn't burn nearly enough calories .  Oh well...  In any case, a larger problem has now erupted: I'm fairly certain my swearing isn't contained in my noodle any longer.  I've gotten the stink eye while at the Y.  I've been chastised by my children when I emerge from the basement, sweaty and exhausted, that I said too many "grown up" words for my own good.  And mostly, I catch myself calling Billy some very colorful names when he tells me, "One more time now, make it burn."  I've actually imagined finding something of his...and burning it.  Maybe that unitard.

So, if I inadvertantly bite your head off in the next coming months, or I seem an even bigger ass than normal...know that this is the price of me being healthy.  Yes, that is it.  And rest assured - it's Richard Simmons fault.  All of it.  I'm not going to sweat happily into any newness, let alone the oldies.