Weight has been a constant struggle in my life. I feel you, Oprah. I've been a 220lb size 18 and I've been a 125lb size 7. I'd like to find a happy medium somewhere in between. The last 10 years have been a struggle especially; as I got married, moved 800 miles, changed jobs twice, sold a house, freeloaded with family, bought another house, got pregnant, got pregnant again, got pregnant yet again... Whew, it's been a whirlwind tour!
This year I finally said enough. I started to realize that I needed to give my kids an even healthier foundation than just loving their father and them...I needed to love myself. First. It's taken me countless years and not just a little bit of therapy to love who I am, but I've never really loved the girl looking back from the mirror. She's cute, sure, but she's not been something I'd have been proud to show off to my mom in well over...well, maybe ever.
I'm tired of looking in the mirror and criticizing myself...like way too many women do. I've started to look at me the way my kids do. They think I'm beautiful. They've told me so: unprompted. I've cried. Their voices have conflicted with all the others that lurk in my dark recesses that tell me I'm not. The spiteful voices that tell me I'm chubby. That tell me I'm not good enough. Well, screw that. I'm done listening to those voices. And I've vowed to never repeat anything those ugly voices have said - aloud or in front of my children.
I've started a walking regiment. Regiment? Not even. I sat down & did some numbers math...I eat right (mostly...but hey - who the hell eats perfect?). In fact, I eat healthier than most of the ppl I know. I have a slight portion control issue. Done. Let's take smaller first helpings and limit my second helpings to when I really need it. So, it's not my eating. What could it be?
I got a pedometer. The things I've learned? Shocking! I walked about 3000 steps on a good day. Holy shit! On a good day! 25 years ago and beyond, the standard/norm was to walk 10,000 steps a day. And that wasn't from working out, it was part of our manual labor society. I'd discovered the problem, I had become a slug. No more.
With the help of a $100 purchase that is literally changing my life and my attitude...every day, my Fitbit and I started a journey. I walk. I walk 10,000 steps every day (or damned near close to it). I've made friends on the Fitbit app. I've rekindled old friendships, long ignored. I've talked junk to my best friend and created little competitions. And I've lost weight.
Weight I'm saying goodbye to. And the weeks I don't lose, but maintain, I've seen inches come off. From merely walking. And when my kids ask why I'm walking so much, I tell them that I do it to be healthy and to become more of the Mommy they think I am.
So, Oprah, while you're pretty amazing...it is my goal to never be in your company again. Adios.
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