Yep, she's Indian...

I've come to realize, since having kids...that these little individuals are hilarious. Their improper use of words, their inflection of voice and even their gestures are amazing. I'm the proud mother to three vibrant, creative and opinionated little cherubs. Ok, you're catching me on a good day - many times, I think I've spawned aliens. In any case, my "baby"; my two-year-old, we've discovered - is Indian.

Alright, that's not really PC - she's Native American. Don't let the blue eyes, tow-head and pale skin fool you...she's Indian (I'm already giving up on the PC thing...). This child has renamed herself, and most everything in our house. Gone are the days when you could simply call here by her mere first name. Now, you must address this Native Princess as "Leila Big Girl". She's the younger sister to "Noah Has A Mohawk" and "Callah Purple Glasses".

Yesterday, I made the mistake of not properly following the correct dissertation protocol when requesting Leila Big Girl's presence. I thought I was going to be scalped. She peered at me over her glasses (which magnify her bright blue eyes by about 1000%). She growled. She grabbed my face. I think she may have tried to bite me. And what normally is this sweet high pitched toddler voice was replaced by demon speak, "I LEILA BIG GIRL. YOU ARE NOT MY MOMMY!" Hey now, that was a bit uncalled for.

"I AM your mother. Now, get your hiney over here, I need to talk to you." Brave, bold move on my part. She rushed at me in a frenzy. Mashed her face against mine. I was sure a war cry was to follow. I was terribly amiss. Instead, in a voice straight out of the Exorcist, she informed me, "I LEILA BIG GIRL, I LEILA BIG GIRL, I LEILA BIG GIRL!" Each shout became painfully (on my ear drums) more obvious that I was powerless to stop the name and culture change that just happened inside my home.

Having no longer remembered what the hell I even wanted from "Leila Big Girl", I got up and did what any other self-respecting parent would do...I grabbed my purse, told my husband I was going out, and asked if Target sold Chieftain Headdresses.